i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
