we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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