i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
