I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
