why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
