Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
