True but thats because hes a fetus.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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