how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
