Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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