Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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