then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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