you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
