First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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