A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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