mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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