i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
