well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
