fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
