there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
