Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
