Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
