Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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