What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
