You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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