i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
