I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
