Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
