Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
