I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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