you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
