I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know her cup size but not her name....
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