that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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