I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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