I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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