I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
