too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
