Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
