Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
