This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love having hate sex.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
