I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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