so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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