Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
