Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
