like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
