my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
