if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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