in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
