we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
