Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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