Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
