dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just invented taco cereal.
So squirting runs in the family.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
